Dear Brian, 

In February 2021, only ten months after bringing our Gracie girl home from Haiti, Finn was scheduled for his tenth surgery due to the Spina Bifida he was born with. This procedure, although very involved and extremely painful, would be a total game changer for our little Finn’s quality of life. Signing on to see him go through the pain and recovery is never an easy step, but you, our family visionary, always remind me of the long-term positives of having to go through things like this. It is at times like this I love how our differences can be so complimentary of one another. I have the medical knowledge but the heart of a mom, and you are the strength, always looking at all the good that will come down the road from our present sacrifices or crosses. 

We initially met Dr. Alam, Finn’s urologist, in Manhattan. I thank God every day he sent Dr. Alam to us. He is an absolute angel walking this Earth. Dr. Alam’s vocation as a pediatric urologist has not only saved but given immeasurable quality to so many children’s lives around the world, just like Finn. It was a no-brainer to you and me that when Dr. Alam relocated his practice to Charleston, South Carolina, Finn would remain his patient.

A few days prior to Finn’s surgery date, the three of us drove down to Charleston to meet with Dr. Alam to review the exact procedure and sign consents. Finn was going to be in Charleston for three weeks following the surgery. You and I talked at length and came up with a game plan that made the most sense for our family. You would stay with Finn during his time in Charleston, and I would fly home to NJ after our meeting with Dr. Alam and take care of the rest of the crew at home. Again, I couldn’t be more grateful at times like this. You owned the business and had worked so hard to get the company to this point—the point where you could leave NJ and know you had the right people in place to handle the business’s day-to-day up in New York, while you could manage everything you needed from Finn’s bedside with your laptop.

Dr. Alam walked into the room with a smile that always made us smile from ear to ear. He reviewed all the intricacies of the surgery, what Finn’s two-day pre-op prep would entail, any foreseeable surgical complications, and what Finn’s two-week recovery in the hospital would look like. Now, mind you, this was the same conversation we had with Dr. Alam virtually back in January from our home in NJ. After Dr. Alam finished speaking, and you and I signed the consent, he asked who was staying for the three weeks with Finn. I looked at you and said, “I am.” You burst out in a little chuckle, and Dr. Alam looked puzzled. You didn’t need me to say a word, Brian. You knew after talking to Dr. Alam, hearing exactly what he told us virtually the month prior, that I couldn’t leave Finn. So, instead of working at Finn’s bedside while you assisted him through the surgery and recovery, you were flying home that night to operate our family’s day-to-day for the next three weeks. 

I could throw myself under the bus and say, after almost eighteen years of marriage at the time, you had grown accustomed to my flightiness and changing plans on the dime. Or I could say you fully embraced all that it is to be in a sound, faith-filled marriage. Probably a little bit of both! I told Dr. Alam my mom always says, “We make plans and God laughs.” Brian, I love how you and I can sit and communicate and draw up plans for any situation that arises, but what I love more is our ability to pivot at the last second and accommodate what is best for our family, even though it is far from our original, well-thought-out, methodical plan. You and I make our plans, and then we leave plenty of room for our Lord to come in and make things right.

Finn’s surgery was a complete miracle of a success. I pray for Dr. Alam every day of my life; he is a gift to our world. Brian, you returned to Charleston two weeks later with the same smile you left Finn and me. You ran the house, ran the business, and then decided you would bring Dolan and Grace back to Charleston with you. You told me they needed to see me, and I needed to see them, and you knew how much it would cheer Finn up to see them. 

Brian, you embrace our marriage and every curveball I’ve thrown at you for the past twenty years. 

I love you with all my heart, 

MJ